Danielle Dyann Abril
The sexual activity, in which husband and wife are intimately and chastely united with one another, through which human life is transmitted, is, as the recent Council recalled, “noble and worthy”. It does not, moreover, cease to be legitimate even when, for reasons independent of their will, it is foreseen to be infertile. For its natural adaptation to the expression and strengthening of the union of husband and wife is not thereby suppressed.
Humanae Vitae 11
Over the past 13 years of my marriage God has brought me through many joyous times and many difficult times. Even when I could not see it, He was there with me in my struggles. One beautiful lesson I have learned in the midst of the hardest times is that God is calling me to continue to praise Him no matter the problem and be fruitful no matter the circumstances. (See John 15:1-5 and Psalm 1:1-3)
One of the most painful struggles I have ever encountered was the years of infertility (and miscarriage) at the very beginning of my marriage. If you read this post, you will see that through the graces of the Sacrament of Matrimony, God softened my heart and called me to actively pursue motherhood in those early years of marriage. While initially hesitant, shortly after my wedding I began to feel a burning desire to become a mother. However, even after utilizing the knowledge we gained from Natural Family Planning, we were unable to conceive as we hoped.
Our inability to conceive led us to seek treatment from a number of highly trained Catholic doctors and physicians. For those of you who have traveled this path, you know well that this was not an easy road. I often cried out to God in anguish and wondered why God was allowing my husband and I to suffer in this way. In all honesty, the answers did not come easily or immediately, but after years of prayer and reflection I heard God telling me that this time was a unique time to be fruitful for Him in a different way.
When you hear the word fruitful your mind may immediately jump to the ability to physically bear biological children. However, the Catechism of the Catholic Church explains that there is more to being fruitful than mere biological generation. It says, “Spouses to whom God has not granted children can nevertheless have a conjugal life full of meaning, in both human and Christian terms. Their marriage can radiate a fruitfulness of charity, of hospitality, and of sacrifice.” (CCC 1654) When I discovered this amazing quote, I realized that it might hold a piece of the answer to why God was allowing my suffering.
I began to look at my life and ask, “where can I serve?” Serving others had a two-fold benefit. First, while I was busy helping other people, it left less time to be sad about my infertility. But more importantly, it let me be fruitful at a time in my life when God was not calling me to expand my family through biological children. Thus, began an exciting time of working on a Parish Youth Ministry Team, traveling to the March for Life in Washington, DC with a group of high school girls, chaperoning an energetic group to a Steubenville Conference, and more. As the years went on God called me to new ways of being fruitful which have included adoption and foster care.
Nothing will ever make infertility a small cross to bear. Let me go ahead and repeat that, infertility will never feel easy. However, for me, one of the biggest blessings of that time of my life was being able to find ways to hear the Gospel call to be fruitful and look for ways to share my gifts with those around me. I know that each of you has a unique gift too! I really like to encourage other men and women who are suffering the cross of infertility to ask God how it wants you to be fruitful right here and right now. There is always someone who needs what you have, and you never know, in blessing another the blessings just might come back to you one-hundred-fold!
The Office of Natural Family Planning for the Archdiocese of St. Louis offers the Enkindle Ministry for those who are suffering from infertility. As part of our ministry, we pray a rosary for those suffering infertility each month on Facebook on the first Wednesday of the month at 7:00 pm. Please join us!
Danielle Dyann Abril is the mother of many children through adoption, foster care, and biological motherhood. She home-schools her crew and in her spare time works with the Archdiocese of St. Louis Office of Natural Family Planning to share the good news about NFP with the world.