Danielle Dyann Abril
If you have been following the blog this week, you have heard my female voice sharing my experiences as a woman who uses Natural Family Planning (NFP). But, as you know, I am a married woman, so my voice is not the only important voice to hear. My dear husband, Michael Anthony, is and deserves to be a full and equal partner in my family planning decisions. Thus, before we wrap up this incredible week, I wanted to take a moment to note that when a married couple makes the mature, educated, and spiritually responsible choice to use NFP, it is not all about the woman and her choices alone.
Yes, read that last sentence again. Now, I realize what I am saying here may cause shock, surprise, or even anger in some people. I have personally experienced a very different attitude toward family planning in many of my family, friends, and acquaintances. As I listen to those voices around me, I can hear a common anthem that goes something like, “birth control is the woman’s responsibility” or “I am a man, it’s not my choice.”
In truth, NFP is not about her fertility but their fertility, not about her decision to have a baby but their decision. As a member of a couple of who has embraced the NFP lifestyle I clearly tell you that the decision to open ourselves to new life is not my decision but our decision on every single step of the journey. At least for me, this reality opens up a whole new world of possibilities.
First and foremost, by making the decisions surrounding family planning a mutual responsibility, it allows the couple to talk openly with one another about the deepest desires of their hearts. Couples who practice NFP together can use their daily times of charting, etc. to enhance their bonding and communication skills which are so critical to a heathy marriage. In this way, both the thoughts and dreams of both man and woman are considered in decision making.
Relatedly, the use of NFP allows couples to change their family planning goals as often as they need to for the health and flourishing of their family. It is an unfortunate truth that the effects of some methods of contraception can last months or even years. Thus, it is much more complicated for a couple (making mutually beneficial decisions) to change course if some aspect of their life changes. NFP is so respectful of both man and woman, that it allows and encourages a couple to consider and re-evaluate their family’s wants and needs on each and everyday of the woman’s cycle.
Third, the open communication, care for the others’ needs, and continual re-evaluation of goals on the part of both man and woman, allows for the flourishing of a loving charity that expands beyond the couple, beyond the family, to the entire world. Without overgeneralizing, it has been my experience that those couples who are willing to practice NFP have an beautiful openness to life that allows them to minister to those around them through parish ministries, care of the elderly, foster care and adoption, and so much more. It takes brave and humble men and women to do that!
Thanks, especially, to all the men who have stepped up and showed up to be take up the call to BE A MAN and participate in the NFP process! They are an unsung heroes, models of St. Joseph, quietly leading and protecting their family. Three cheers to you and your family!
It is a love which is total—that very special form of personal friendship in which husband and wife generously share everything, allowing no unreasonable exceptions and not thinking solely of their own convenience. Whoever really loves his partner loves not only for what he receives, but loves that partner for the partner’s own sake, content to be able to enrich the other with the gift of himself.
Humanae Vitae 9
Action Points:
- View and share the BE A MAN flyer on the Archdiocese of St. Louis website.
- Talk to your priest about promoting NFP in your parish, especially among your the men.
- Talk to the (fellow) men in your life and let them know that they too can be an active participate in their fertility as a couple.
- Make it part of your prayer routine to pray for couples using NFP.
- Love God fiercely and live NFP joyously (even on the hard days).
Danielle Dyann Abril is the mother of many children through adoption, foster care, and biological motherhood. She home-schools her crew, blogs at https://unrepeatableblessings.com, and in her spare time works with the Archdiocese of St. Louis Office of Natural Family Planning to share the good news about NFP with the world.