Any scroll session on the internet will show you a list of “top most important” in any given category – food, travel destinations, health tips, career advice, and on and on. We all love content that is easy to digest and takes some of the load off of our brains. The Church sometimes does this for us- the Ten Commandments, for starters! Other times, though, the church gives the task of discernment in our own choices, simultaneously a form of both freedom and work.

While some couples practicing Natural Family Planning would prefer a quick list of reasons to avoid or achieve pregnancy, the Church, in her infinite wisdom, recognizes that a one-size-fits-all list doesn’t work in this situation. Humanae Vitae teaches there are four areas for couples to consider in their discernment: physical and mental health, and economic and social conditions. That’s as specific as it gets, though. There is no magic income threshold or living situation that the Church instructs is ideal for welcoming a child. There are no health conditions that the Church dictates are severe or minor enough to factor into this discernment. For some couples, the loss of a job may be a major source of financial stress, but for other couples it could mean a relief to have more flexibility to care for the needs of a baby. The diagnosis of a chronic illness may present a major obstacle to some couples, but for others may be a relief that nagging symptoms can now be treated. The teachings of the Church are meant to convey the truths of the Gospel to people of all times and cultures, so to provide a specific set of circumstances for such a diverse population is unrealistic and would uncharitably impose expectations, removing any freedom in discernment.

So what does the Church say?

The Catechism of the Catholic Church simply says that the spacing of the births of children must be for “just reasons” and “not motivated by selfishness, but in conformity with the generosity appropriate to responsible parenthood.” (CCC 2368) These teachings make clear that parenthood is not a decision to be taken lightly, and the care for a human person requires selflessness and commitment, much like marriage itself. The number of children in any given family can be a reflection of a couple’s thoughtfulness, generosity, and openness to life, regardless of how many children they have.

“In deciding whether or not to have a child, [spouses] must not be motivated by selfishness or carelessness, but by a prudent, conscious generosity that weighs the possibilities and circumstances, and especially gives priority to the welfare of the unborn child. Therefore, when there is a reason not to procreate, this choice is permissible and may even be necessary. However, there remains the duty of carrying it out with criteria and methods that respect the total truth of the marital act in its unitive and procreative dimension, as wisely regulated by nature itself in its biological rhythms. One can comply with them and use them to advantage, but they cannot be ‘violated’ by artificial interference.” – Saint Pope John Paul II

Encouraging Tenderness

The Church also has compassion for the difficulty it presents to couples to desire intimacy but not be able to engage in intercourse when they have discerned to avoid conception. The Catechism recognizes that methods of natural family planning “encourage tenderness” between spouses because of the levels of communication required. (CCC 2370) Genuine tenderness, union, and affection go far beyond sexual intimacy, encouraging couples to truly know and love one another on a deeper level. Couples can grow in their understanding of each other’s “love languages” and temperaments to express their love for each other. Some NFP teachers use the acronym SPICE to consider the full spectrum of spiritual, physical, intellectual, creative/communicative, and emotional forms of intimacy.

While there’s no quick list of the top reasons to try to avoid or achieve a pregnancy, the call for Catholic couples at any stage remains the same: prayerfully contemplate the teachings of the Church, and trust that Jesus will provide for your family as you work together to seek Heaven!