By Lauren
For my husband and I, our journey to parenthood was initially hopeful, later painful, wholly unexpected, and perfectly right and redeemed. We have two children through adoption and are currently praying about a third child to add to our family. Both of our boys came to us in whirlwind, overnight situations where we learned of their existence only the day before their arrival in our home, and we learned we were parents only a few hours before picking them up. We are both so overjoyed and thankful!
Our journey to parenthood was not easy or typical. We began talking about desiring children, both biological and adopted, back in college when we met. We were not sure what God desired for us, but we assumed pregnancy would be the easy part. Years into marriage we discovered our infertility, and doctors gave us an estimated 4% chance of natural conception. After three more years of fervent prayers and doctors’ advice, Brian and I began working out our grief and longing for a family by sharing our struggles with our church community and a Christian counselor. This is when God began healing our hearts, and we felt God leading us to finally apply for adoption.
After years of heartache, we were shocked to see how God seemed to have been patiently waiting to bless us! Only one month after completing our home study, the Lord gave us the most incredible surprise of our lives in the arrival of our first son. Our adoption agent said that in 16 years of adoption work, she had never seen a placement happen that fast! Alexander (AJ) is in so many ways the perfect addition to our family, and we see now why we had to wait for so long for our firstborn son. His middle name, John, means “God is gracious.” He truly is.
Our entire family on both sides was overjoyed and overwhelmed when AJ came to us in 2017, and the outpouring of love on us from our community was nothing short of the tangible hands and feet of Jesus! They filled our home with everything we needed, and our church and family provided some financial assistance that helped us cover costs. We did not even know about adoption grants at the time, and so the Lord provided in other ways.
In the summer of 2020, Brian’s amazing mother was diagnosed with cancer right as we renewed our home study to prepare for adoption again. She passed away only six weeks later, and the entire family has been devastated and doing our best to persevere since. The Lord has been with us, an ever-present help in trouble and truly a refuge for us, but the pain has been searing, even more so than the pain of infertility we had experienced. She was not only a godly woman, prayer warrior, and incredible mother to four and “Mimi” to five, but she was also one of our best friends. Again, the Lord has taken us through a path of healing through His people and His word. We are still healing, and as my father-in-law says about the work God has done on our hearts and in our family, “It is a beautiful but painful thing to be remade.”
Then, without our prompting, our son AJ began praying diligently for a sibling when he wasn’t yet four years old. Even he experienced sorrow as he waited and asked continually why God hadn’t answered our prayers yet. One night, after a potential match fell through, AJ cried hard before bedtime. “God is mean!” he said bitterly. “Why wouldn’t he give us that little girl?” We spent time talking that night about God’s sovereignty in words that he could understand. After a few minutes, he sniffed, wiped his tears away, and seemed to perk up: “Oh, I get it,” he said. “God would never have put me in any other family because this is my perfect family! That little girl belonged in a different family.” He took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes. “Okay, mommy, we can just keep praying and waiting.” I was stunned by his childlike faith and the simultaneous wisdom he was capable of at the tender age of four. Praise God!
Then, a month or two later, we got a call, and our son Sterling came to us on Good Friday of 2022. His middle name, Matthew, means “Gift from God.” Upon Sterling’s arrival, AJ has had the invaluable blessing of seeing God answer his prayers and ours, and he has been over-the-moon about being a big brother. He gives Sterling constant kisses and is so gentle and caring toward him.
It is hard to put into words how we feel looking at these boys. On one hand, in a perfect world, adoption wouldn’t exist. At the same time, because we live in the world we do, Brian and I are so very grateful that it does. We know – and remind our boys often – that their biological mothers love them deeply. We also know that our boys will wrestle with their identity in a unique way as they grow up because of their adoption and because of the beautiful skin color God gave them that differs from ours. And, incredibly, in God’s perfect knowledge and grace, He chose us for them and them for us, forever.
Our sons are, in every way, God’s greatest gifts to us. How wild and perfect is it that the Lord has worked through suffering, grief, and sacrifice to bring about goodness, beauty, and hope – and that He has ordained for these two boys from different birth families to grow up together as our kids and together as brothers? We cannot wait to see what God has in store for them and for us all.
We heard about the Archbishop Robert J. Carlson Adoption Grant through our adoption agency, and we are so grateful. The grant money that we received was such an immeasurable blessing and helped us to land with solid financial footing after the even higher costs associated with our second adoption. The entire staff was incredible, kind, and truly an answer to our prayers. Thank you to those of you who have generously made these grants possible! We truly believe that an investment in our family is an investment in God’s people and His kingdom. The Lord has beauty and redemption and purpose written into these boys’ lives – and possibly one more little one to join them. What an unfathomable privilege it is to love them while we watch God unfold each one’s story and his glory!
Thank you Lauren and Brian for sharing your story! We always love hearing how God blesses families through the Archbishop Robert J. Carlson Adoption Grant. Please click here for more information about the adoption grant and to learn how to donate. The Archbishop Robert J. Carlson Adoption Grant is funded entirely by private donations and fundraising efforts. The more we raise, the more we can give to deserving families! Please consider donating or hosting a fundraising event at your parish to support the fund.