By Jesse Egbert
Every man who sincerely marries his beloved, carries in his heart a natural desire to provide for her, to protect her, and to love her well. Unfortunately, this desire opposes abrasively against his selfish pursuit for pleasure, as well as misinformation from our culture on what married love ought to be. So this man, desiring to love his wife truly, gropes for direction and encouragement to be the best lover to his beloved.
We hear about chastity but often see it is as this elusive and intangible virtue. I desired (and still desire) to be chaste. I desired to love my future wife well. I heard about Natural Family Planning and I was familiar with and assented to the Catholic Church’s teachings on married morality.
But knowing about NFP and living NFP are two different things.
Living NFP takes sacrifice, self-control, courage, and work and cooperation for both persons. How much easier it is to just use contraception, to not track her cycles. How much easier it is to feed my appetite unfettered by restraint, to not have to brave the storm that rages against chaste living, or even be unconcerned about the possibility of a child.
But then which love do I want for my wife?
Wouldn’t I want a love that guards us both against lust and invites me to love her freely?
Wouldn’t I want a love that guards me from being apathetic towards the natural and beautiful cycles of my beloved and invites me into that intimate knowledge?
Wouldn’t I want a love that strives for a courageous love that builds my wife and I up in holiness and goodness, even if it means the scorn of the world?
Wouldn’t I want a love that guards me against any lack of communication about children and fear of conceiving them? A love that invites me into conversation and openness with my wife about the possibility of our love becoming a child and the joy that should accompany them?
A love that’s joyful, brave, intimate, free, and complete?
NFP makes that chaste marital love possible. NFP is the practical and tangible virtue of chastity lived out in marriage. NFP guards against selfishness and the evils of the world and invites the couple into something more beautiful and transcendent this world cannot see. I know because I’ve experienced it. It’s helped me grow to be a more selfless, courageous, cooperative, and free husband. The change is perceivable.
Although the struggles and temptations against pure love persist, living NFP helps guard against them and invites us into deeper levels of authentic love. That is what virtue does, it guards and invites, and that is what NFP does. Let NFP guard you and your spouse. Let it invite you deeper into true love with each other.
After a few years in seminary followed by a 6-year enlistment in the Air Force, Jesse Egbert met and married his wife, Kathleen. He now stays at home with their 5 (soon to be 6) beautiful children and strives every day to help them grow in holiness as much as he tries himself.